Thank you all for your responses- wow, they were so good and honestly I agreed with everyone of them as I read them. I feel like I know what God is wanting me to do and at the same time I have been reluctant, hesitant and fearful to do it.
We have raised 5 older bio children. They all went to preschool and loved it and loved their teachers. I didn't really discover homeschooling until the last 2 bio kids- at least it wasn't until then that I finally decided to take a chance and give it a try. After 2 years our financial situation led me back to work. I know that was also orchestrated by God because I hadn't worked in 14 years, didn't want to go back to work and yet I got the first job I applied to, one mile from my home and it was my dream job. Plus my kids could go to school there! (FYI- school nurse for 300 to 800 students-it was growing rapidly, it was a christian school and I was the only one in "my department"- I loved it. I did the attendance, too! I knew who was doing what and when! The faculty, staff, children and families were fantastic!)
BUT- I like my new job even better. Being a stay at home Mom to these darling children and having another opportunity to homeschool is a dream come true for me!
Again, I have mistaken the length of time it takes for bonding. It is a process that takes years not months and although we are doing great and on the right track- I need to keep remembering it is a process, a long process. I see insecurities and fears with Anna that where not there with our older bio children. She has never liked me leaving her and yet I have done Montessori 2x week fairly early on. I think it is time for me to keep her home. We can (maybe) have a preschool experience when she is older but for now she will be home with me. I am planning to do preschool at home! Time does go by so fast and these kids grow up in the blink of an eye. I am thinking at age 3 she is fine to be home. We will also most likely hold Anna back in school( if she goes to school someday). She has a spring birthday and many surgeries ahead of her (plus she is itty bitty).
Now, I sound like I know what I am doing , right? Well not really, I actually am a little hesitant to HS the 2 of them. Whenever I worry, I pray and the dear Lord tells me it will be okay! He doesn't say how, or when or any other info- it's just that feeling of he is with me and it will work out!
Over the years I have found that it just takes a little time to adjust to a new situation. I am sure it will be that way for us. Once we get used to our schedule I won't be able to even imagine not having them both at home. So don't expect any great reports from me in September- give me to at least October to find a rhythm.
So today I called Montessori- here is how the conversation went-
ME - "I just wanted to let you know that Anna will not be coming to school in August. We will be keeping her home. Welllll, she might not be coming back in the fall too, umm, I'm not sure yet but umm, aahhhh, yeah, I'll let you know.
What a wishy, washy, chicken I am... Courage, I think not...
Oh Yeah, I'll be calling her back... after hours when I can leave a message and then hang up!
I want to enjoy every minute I can with them so here we go!!
(BTW- I do have a babysitter- Karen come over for about 3 hours on Wednesday afternoon to give me a break, go to DR appts and run some errands- maybe even have lunch with hubby!)